What is a Recovery Mindset?
- Clay Johnson
- Aug 30, 2023
- 5 min read
Just like recovery, a recovery mindset, is not something that's limited to people who have suffered from addiction. Recovery is an active choice to stop suffering or coping with a relationship with something or someone. A recovery mindset means accepting our problems for what they are, determining what we can and can't change about them and ourselves, and having healthier relationships with them.
The Components of a Recovery Mindset
1. Surrender and Acceptance
The beauty of surrender lies in relinquishing control over the uncontrollable. As humans, we often cling to the illusion of control, fighting against the currents that flow around us. By surrendering, we let go of the exhausting struggle and allow ourselves to flow with the tide.
To a leader, surrender may sound like a bad word. But surrender does not mean acquiescence or weakness. It simply means rather than resisting something or continuing to cope with or suffer with, we have to admit to ourselves that we are unable to change it. People in addiction have to surrender to the disease of addiction and acknowledge that they will never beat addiction one-on-one. But every day there are opportunities to surrender to people, places, and things that we cannot change on our own.
This can be a toxic boss or a hostile work environment. A partner or loved one who is perpetually frustrating. It could be a community or even someone's politics. Or it could be a way or process that we're using to change something that isn't working. We can surrender to the idea that dieting on our own isn't working. Or that the method we're using to instruct or discipline our kids isn't serving us. Or that trying to fix our chronic pain or everlasting feelings of anxiety aren't working and making our lives unmanageable.
Once we can surrender, this newfound freedom paves the way for acceptance, a key ingredient in the recipe for a recovery mindset. We can recognize the thing that we are suffering from for what it is. We can begin to see it, as it is, rather than as the thing we hate because it's not the thing we want it to be.
2. Humility
The Arbinger Institute's great book "The Anatomy of Peace" has this great line about conflicts between people:
"Most wars between individuals are of the 'cold' rather than the 'hot' variety---lingering resentment, for example, grudges long held, resources clutched rather than shared, help not offered. These are the acts of war that most threaten our homes and workplaces.” The anatomy of peace
But this can be said for any relationship we are coping with whether it be a person, place, substance, or other thing. Once we understand that we are in a cold war with that thing, and surrender that war, we can begin the work of understand what we can change in this situation. Which is, more than likely, ourselves.
We can acknowledge that we, alone, have been unable to solve this problem, that we are probably not going to be the one to solve this problem by ourselves -- if we are going to solve this problem, it's not going to be by ourselves. That means humbly asking for help either to help you cope with the situation, or to help change it. It also means being committed to the idea of improving the situation rather than attached to a particular outcome.
Commitment vs Attachment is a discussion worth having on its own, but the basic idea is: you have to be committed to a set of values and principles. Like "I am committed to having a healthy work environment," -- that is a commitment that you can keep and have control over honoring that commitment. But being attached to an outcome "Bobby should be fired because he makes the workplace unhealthy," is not healthy, and not something that's likely within your control. Understanding that distinction: what you can and cannot control, is the essence of humility.
Humility means knowing when to ask for help. I'm happy to be the hand you reach out to. Book a free session with me and let's chat.
3. Responsibility
Now that we have right-sized ourselves, we have to look inward at this. To truly heal and grow, you must actively accept responsibility for your part in landing yourself in your current predicament. Was it fueled by resentment, shame, judgment, jealousy, greed, insecurity or guilt? Did you hurt anybody here? Is there a mess to clean up. Are there going to be prolonging resentments in this cold war that aren't useful? Did you take too long to say or do something and suffer more than you needed to?
What was driving you? Were you looking for validation or fearful? What part of your suffering can you take responsibility for. This can be a very tough set of questions to ask yourself, especially in areas where there is real victimization like toxic work environments, assault and trauma involved, but usually there is still some responsibility to be taken, even if is: "I took too long to do anything about this" or "I was scared to speak up, and that made me suffer longer than I needed to."
For a helpful reference, the book "The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions" notes that: "whenever we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us." This is a helpful exercise for everyone. Finding our part in the problem and taking responsibility for it allows us to more define what is in and outside of our control.
4. Practice Grace and Change
Usually we don't have breakdowns. We have the same breakdown over and over again. When we choose to suffer, usually it's old patterns rearing their head again. We can't help this, it's in our nature. By accepting that we have these breakdowns, they're part of us. We don't need to beat ourselves up or feel shame for this cycle, but we do need to acknowledge that it's happening, see the humor in life, and learn that usually we get to take steps towards or away from our breakdowns.
Practicing change means making decisions that regularly move us away from those breakdowns, and giving ourselves grace when we do fall into the traps of our own patterns. Being in the practice of recovery means looking at our problems as things we get to solve, rather than problems we have to carry.
The Power of a Recovery Mindset
By fostering self-awareness and developing healthy coping mechanisms, the recovery mindset can unlock your full potential as an executive. As you embrace this transformative process, you'll discover a newfound sense of purpose, motivation, and balance.
In a world where suffering and coping with various relationships, situations, and challenges are inevitable, adopting a recovery mindset proves to be a powerful tool. This mindset consists of four crucial components: surrender and acceptance, humility, responsibility, and practice. By relinquishing control, we pave the way for acceptance and create space for personal growth. Humility allows us to recognize what we can and cannot control, while responsibility pushes us to acknowledge our role in our predicaments. Finally, practice teaches us to make decisions that move us away from our struggles while offering grace for our inevitable setbacks. Embracing the recovery mindset provides a transformative framework that empowers us to navigate life's complexities with resilience and optimism.
If you're interested in learning more about how adopting a recovery mindset can work for you, and what it would take, why not book a free session with me for coaching, and see if there's a way for me to help?
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